Because
Because I'm sad, because I want more out of life, because to not have you would be hell on Earth, because it rained today, because my heart is no longer an organ to be proud of, because life is too short, because pain is something very real, because I can't control my thoughts, because I think too much, because to give in would be to fail, because loneliness takes it's toll, because I'm just a pawn pushed along the chessboard, because black makes me happy, because I no longer see the big picture, because like the wind I wear and tear, because I only wait to speak, because selfishness grows inside me like a weed, because time never stops, because there's no such thing as unbias, because I am waiting for a world that will never change, because I choose to live in my esoteric sphere, because to open up would be a waste of time.
(These are my own words but the idea of this poem comes from another, just to be fair,... because we all have our own becauses)
Friday, November 27, 2009
When my love cup is full
O:tinker, tinker, tinker...Mimi, Mimi, Mimi,... tinker, tinker, tinker. S: Tinker? You want Tinker? O: yeah yeah yeah yeah tinker, tinker, tinker tinker S:Ok Mimi will play Tinker O:(smile)
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sugarplums
November 15th, 2009: The Christmas tree is being put up. Here is a typical St.Aubin Family "putting up the tree" tradition:
1. Sam puts on Elf Soundtrack and dad complains that one song on there isn't really a Christmas song.
2. Mom tells boys to go into the basement and bring up the heavy tree and ornaments...two hours later, mom tells the boys to go into the basement and bring up the heavy tree and ornaments...
3. Everyone is sprawled out on the couch with a blanket while mom straightens out all the branches on the trees while she asks if there are any holes on a 3 minute basis.
4. Dad asks when we are eating dessert.
5. Time for ornaments. Always the first is the ornament my Grandma Trudy made. It's a golden ball made to look like a puppy. Each ornament is strategically debated on whether it should be placed in the front or the back. This one always gets placed in the back. (I secretly move it to the front throughout the season)
6. Dad wants to turn on Ongbak during our Christmas celebration.. ok...
7. There is not one place to look where there is not a snowmen within view.
8. My dad asks what is left to do when the only thing he has done the whole night is push some buttons on a remote.
9. Trevor stands on a chair and dances to Santa Baby while putting the bow on top of the tree.
10. Fireplace goes on even though its fifty degrees outside. Gotta get in the Christmas spirit!
1. Sam puts on Elf Soundtrack and dad complains that one song on there isn't really a Christmas song.
2. Mom tells boys to go into the basement and bring up the heavy tree and ornaments...two hours later, mom tells the boys to go into the basement and bring up the heavy tree and ornaments...
3. Everyone is sprawled out on the couch with a blanket while mom straightens out all the branches on the trees while she asks if there are any holes on a 3 minute basis.
4. Dad asks when we are eating dessert.
5. Time for ornaments. Always the first is the ornament my Grandma Trudy made. It's a golden ball made to look like a puppy. Each ornament is strategically debated on whether it should be placed in the front or the back. This one always gets placed in the back. (I secretly move it to the front throughout the season)
6. Dad wants to turn on Ongbak during our Christmas celebration.. ok...
7. There is not one place to look where there is not a snowmen within view.
8. My dad asks what is left to do when the only thing he has done the whole night is push some buttons on a remote.
9. Trevor stands on a chair and dances to Santa Baby while putting the bow on top of the tree.
10. Fireplace goes on even though its fifty degrees outside. Gotta get in the Christmas spirit!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
This is me take it or leave it
1. I always tuck my socks into my pants before i go to bed even if it is 90 degrees.
2. I eat blueberry waffles on a daily basis and I don't care what anyone thinks about it.
3. I over think EVERYTHING.
4. My life would be boring and miserable if I didn't have a Lauren in it.
5. My goal in life is to be shot and live to tell about it.
6. My addiction to soap operas is gaudy and I love it.
7. I think diets are the stupidest thing since sliced bread.
8. My dad always has and always will call me his teenie.
9. If you always tell the truth you will always be a bad liar.
10. My sister is the one thing my life cannot go without.
11. Food is always better at someone else's house.
12. Sometimes I tell people I have Southern roots even though I know it's a bold-faced lie.(but it's fun to pretend!)
13.My life wouldn't be the same if I had never left the country.
14. I have come to find out that third graders are the smartest, funniest, most clever little beings I have ever met.
The End of an Era
I am coming to a point in my life where I must give up something I love very much. It is something that has meant the world to me for five years and counting.(but I guess when you think about it, five years is just a fraction in your lifetime). For five years I have invested my time, invested my energy, invested my zeal into a little box located fifteen minutes from my home. I must leave this place soon and venture out into a place I know little about...the world. But I feel so comfortable here...
Who would ever think you could become so attached to a corporate owned restaurant chain located in the middle of Northwest, Indiana? It is hard to visualize my life if I have never been there. I have cried there, made friends there, gotten sick there, had the best conversations of my life there, learned most of what I know about sex there, ate there, read there when I didn't want to go home...
I think working in a restaurant can be one of the best experiences a person can have followed by the worst. I have never loved something so much and hated it equally at the same time. It is folklore in its' purest form. A culture created. It cannot be like any other because we created it. There can never again in the whole existence of the universe be a group exactly like us. In this small atmosphere relationships are made and broken, life lessons are learned, dirty jokes are told, people's feelings are hurt, people laugh till they cry, yelling, hugs, drinks are poured, dishes are broken along with hearts, different nationalities collide, profanities are yelled, nicknames are coined, company is enjoyed, money is made, tables are wiped, floors are swept, girls are swept too but off their feet, flirting is regular, customers are regular, chocolate moltens are desired, friends are bailed out of jail, feelings are shared, arguments are frequent, customers are rude, time is always on our side... I could go on. This is the time in my life that I will look back on when I'm forty and think that this here and now was the best time of my life, and I never want to forget it. It will be hard to let it go.
Who would ever think you could become so attached to a corporate owned restaurant chain located in the middle of Northwest, Indiana? It is hard to visualize my life if I have never been there. I have cried there, made friends there, gotten sick there, had the best conversations of my life there, learned most of what I know about sex there, ate there, read there when I didn't want to go home...
I think working in a restaurant can be one of the best experiences a person can have followed by the worst. I have never loved something so much and hated it equally at the same time. It is folklore in its' purest form. A culture created. It cannot be like any other because we created it. There can never again in the whole existence of the universe be a group exactly like us. In this small atmosphere relationships are made and broken, life lessons are learned, dirty jokes are told, people's feelings are hurt, people laugh till they cry, yelling, hugs, drinks are poured, dishes are broken along with hearts, different nationalities collide, profanities are yelled, nicknames are coined, company is enjoyed, money is made, tables are wiped, floors are swept, girls are swept too but off their feet, flirting is regular, customers are regular, chocolate moltens are desired, friends are bailed out of jail, feelings are shared, arguments are frequent, customers are rude, time is always on our side... I could go on. This is the time in my life that I will look back on when I'm forty and think that this here and now was the best time of my life, and I never want to forget it. It will be hard to let it go.
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